Change We Can Believe In

Think about this.

It explains a lot, from 9-11 to the Bush-Obama Bank Bailout Scheme, from the OKBOMB to Côte d'Ivoire, from Libya to Mexico's ongoing civil war.

Hat tip to A Conservative Teacher, to whom I now link.

Islamophobia Inspection

I have been informed that this weblog and some of its comments have been identified as potentially Islamophobic. Under provisions of a secret Presidential directive recently signed by Obama, it is compulsory for all contributors and readers to take the following Islamophobia test immediately:

YOU MAY BE AN ISLAMOPHOBE IF...

(1) You refer to the midwinter holiday as 'Christmas'.
(2) You save loose change in a p***y-bank.
(3) You allow your children to read unexpurgated versions of Winnie the Poo.
(4) You doubt whether it's politically correct to stone rape victims.
(5) You believe that the earth is round.
(6) You think there's something weird about a 50-year-old man marrying a six-year-old girl.
(7) Your children play with Barbie dolls, teddy bears or LEGO.
(8) You object to being a third-class citizen in your own country.
(9) You fail to celebrate cultural diversity when your daughter is gang-raped for not wearing a headscarf.
(10) You think ordinary people have a right to keep and bear arms.
(11) You object to your taxes being used to support people who are plotting to kill you.
(12) You aren't convinced that 'Jihad' means 'Inner Spiritual Struggle'.
(13) You don't understand why the Jews must be exterminated.
(14) You aren't married to at least one of your cousins.
(15) You don't have sex with your daughter-in-law.
(16) You sometimes have doubts about MSM reporting.
(17) You occasionally wonder what's inside those walking tents.
(18) You realise that taqiyya is not a Mexican drink.
(19) You believe moderate Muslims ride unicorns.
(20) You don't appreciate the multicultural need for Methodist grandmothers to be body-cavity searched before boarding aircraft.
(21) You claim to understand the words "Slay the unbelievers wherever you find them", even though you don't speak Arabic.
(22) You fail to see the difference between criticising Christianity, Buddhism or Hinduism, which is free-speech, and criticising Islam, which is racism.
(23) You have reservations about 'faith schools' where the kids will be taught that Jews and Christians are pigs and monkeys, at public expense.
(24) You don't understand why flying your country's flag has become a hate-crime.
(25) You don't believe that God is a brothel-keeper.

EVALUATING YOUR SCORE

How many of the questions did you answer 'YES' ?

On a scale of 0 to 25...

0 you are a Dhimmi and will be nominated for the Neville Chamberlain Peace Prize.
1 to 5 you are a Najis Kaffir.
6 to 10 you are an Islamophobe.
11 to 15 you are a Thought Criminal.
16 to 20 you are an Enemy of Allah.
21 to 25 you are a Racist Zionist Crusader.

Fatwas are automatically awarded for all scores above 5.

Fatwas will be posted in plain brown paper envelopes in a choice of laminated or embossed styles, generously sprinkled with ricin, anthrax, sarin and polonium.

The Pakistan Sea and the Gulf of America

This is interesting.

I reproduce Why not the Pakistan Sea? by Ardeshir Cowasjee, August 8, 2010:

This country is suffering manifold miseries, as it has for many a year, but now more than ever, mainly inflicted by the forces of nature ably aided by the incompetence and follies of mankind.

That every nation has the government it deserves does not right now aptly apply to Pakistan since it has, to all intents and purposes, a non-government incapable of doing what it was elected and is paid to do.

Amidst the massive loss of life from north to south and the suffering of countless innocent deprived citizens, to offset the national and international negativity besetting us and to give a little light relief (with water being most topical) here is a suggestion put to our itinerant son-in-law president when and if he can spare a moment from his party politicking and travels.

In October 1973 (so many years ago) when I met the president’s father-in-law, the then Prime Minister Zulfikar Ali Bhutto, I put it to him that it was high time we named the sea around us as the Pakistan Sea. “Good, very good,” said he, his acquisitive eyes lighting up. “I’ll have the proposal examined — we must delve deep. Write to me.”

So write I did: “My research shows that invariably oceans, seas, bays, inlets, isthmuses are named by discoverers, explorers, navigators, cartographers or users. They either bear their name of that of the land or country upon whose shores they lap. I send herewith a list of oceans and seas which bear the names of countries, places or men.

“It is time that the sea around us is known as the Pakistan Sea. Why should our coast be on the Arabian Sea? The simplest way would be to instruct our naval cartographers to print Pakistan Sea in the admiralty charts they compile — PN charts PAK 4, 5, 6, 11, 15, 16, 18. Later on, others charting the same sea will follow suit. Usage would then take over.”

This resulted in a summons to Islamabad from our then foreign and defence secretaries who both wished to know how our sea had come to be called the Arabian Sea. They were provided with notes received in reply to my enquiries from the director of the International Hydrographic Bureau at Monte Carlo, from the chief of the Reference Department, Geography and Map Division of the Library of Congress and from the keeper of the Map Room at the Royal Geographical Society in London.

Space precludes a reproduction of these notes but all indicated that the north-west area of the Indian Ocean had been known as the Arabian Sea for many centuries, first appearing on a map of the Indian Ocean as Mare Arabicum et Indicum in 1596.

The term ‘Arabian Sea’ developed from the important seaborne, but coastal, trade from Arabia and East Africa along the south-east coast of Arabia. The 12th century Islamic geographer, Sahrif al-Idrisi had noted that the sea along the north-west coast of India was known as the Bahr al Larwi, named after Lar, the ancient name for Gujarat.

The foreign secretary asked why we would want another war with India, why upset the Indians. Why on earth would India be upset, I countered, it has the third largest ocean of the world (65,526,700 sq km) named after it.

He then asked why upset the Saudis? Why should they be upset, I said, not a wave of the Arabian Sea laps against an inch of the Saudi coast — it was the users, the Arabs and the Indians, who had named the sea centuries before Pakistan was even a glint in Mohammad Ali Jinnah’s eyes.

How about the English Channel, known to the French as La Manche? And the Iranian Gulf, known as the Persian Gulf or the Arabian Gulf which many maps now playing safe refer to as simply The Gulf.

The defence secretary treated the discussion as a joke but subsequently, at the end of 1973, wrote to me shooting down the proposal on the grounds that “we are bound to create alarm and bring about adverse political repercussions in the countries of the Arabian Peninsula. By merely printing the words ‘Pakistan Sea’ in our admiralty charts will have no impact and if we announce it publicly it is unlikely to succeed”.

He cited the example of the earlier efforts of President Soekarno of Indonesia who had decided “to name the sea surrounding his islands as the ‘Indonesian Sea’ but his efforts bore no fruit.”

This was not compatible with our case. Soekarno’s efforts to rename the Malacca Straits were linked with his confrontational policy towards Malaysia and the Philippines. Freedom of the Straits was involved, as were drilling rights.

End of matter — then. Now, in the midst of turmoil, strife and international opprobrium, can Pakistan not assert itself in some safe way? At the Law of the Sea Convention in 1982 an area of 240,000 sq km of sea was demarcated as Pakistan’s Exclusive Economic Zone, over which we exercise full economic rights. Who can object to this portion of the sea being named the Pakistan Sea? Our Arabian friends could be won over — no loss to them. There is no question of the elimination of the Arabian Sea. It can be written in next to the Arabian Peninsula, below the 20th parallel.

Our naval might being what it is, with more flag officers to its name than ships, no one in their right mind would credit us with aggressive designs.

All that is needed is an imaginative man (surely one can be found) to instruct our naval cartographers and the Surveyor General of Pakistan to map in ‘Pakistan Sea’ within the demarcated 240,000 sq km of our EEZ.

arfc@cyber.net.pk

At first, when I saw the title and glanced over the article, I thought the idea was dumb. It has been the Arabian Sea for centuries.

However, by the end of the article, I found myself agreeing with the author.

Pakistan can call that body of water whatever the Pakistani people want to call it. The rest of the world does not have to follow suit.

And, all the author is suggesting is for the Pakistani government to start using that term, The Pakistan Sea, on its official documents referring to the waters along Pakistan's coast.

__________

You know, what with all the illegal immigrants coming into America, why don't we Americans take something that doesn't belong to us?

We could start calling that body of water between Florida and Texas, where we had the big oil spill, the Gulf of America. After all, people all the way down to Argentina, and even in Europe, are quick to point out that the entire landmass in this hemisphere is America - the term doesn't just apply to the United States. And, the "Gulf of Mexico" washes the shores of Cuba - why should Mexico take all the credit from our buddies in Havana?

The whole hemisphere - with the possible exception of our neighbors immediately to the south - should support this initiative. The Gulf of America for all Americans, from northern Canada to southern Argentina and Chile.

Let's call it the Gulf of America.

Only we Americans know what we really mean by the term.

:)

Coffee Made From Cat Crap is Halal

From Wikipedia (see original for links):

Kopi luwak (Indonesian [ˈkopi ˈlu.ak]), or civet coffee, is coffee made from the beans of coffee berries which have been eaten by the Asian Palm Civet (Paradoxurus hermaphroditus) and other related civets, then passed through its digestive tract.[1] A civet eats the berries for their fleshy pulp. In its stomach, proteolytic enzymes seep into the beans, making shorter peptides and more free amino acids. Passing through a civet's intestines the beans are then defecated, having kept their shape. After gathering, thorough washing, sun drying, light roasting and brewing, these beans yield an aromatic coffee with much less bitterness, widely noted as the most expensive coffee in the world.

From 'Cat coffee' gets Halal green light, dated July 28, 2010:

Indonesia's top religious body has declared a premium coffee made from civet cat droppings fit for Muslims to drink.

If you want your coffee made by processing the beans through the digestive tract of the Asian Palm Civet (it's more like a monkey than a cat; ecologically, it's similar to a raccoon), order online (no fatwa is necessary).

Swatting at Flies

The gold is black,
Except when it is white.
Getting it is wrong,
Though we say it is right.

So why do we mortgage
Our American dream?
The answers are the same;
Their color is green.

Carefully constructed,
This intricate plan,
But is the ointment's fly
A truly honest man?

The plan comes apart
With less than a kick.
(Of cards, this house,
Not built of brick!)

Or perhaps it falls down,
This shakiness of lies,
Because those inside
Are swatting at flies!

(Dedicated to friends, old and new.)

Expletive Deleted?

Details.

Size Matters

I couldn't have made this one up if I had tried.

From Saudi Arabia Refuses Pakistani Diplomat Over Vulgar Name Translation, dated February 14th:

In an unfortunate result of translation, Pakistani diplomat Akbar Zeb will not become the next Pakistani ambassador to Saudi Arabia. Zeb's credentials seem in order: He is the former ambassador to the United States, India and South Africa. He held the post of High Commissioner Designate of Pakistan to Canada and is the former director general of Pakistan's Foreign Ministry.

But despite Mr. Zeb's impressive career, the 55-year-old diplomat's name proved to be the immovable hurdle. When translated into Arabic, Akbar Zeb means "Biggest Dick." In a region that stresses modesty, particularly in public, this could not stand.

You know, at least in English, the translation could be taken in more than one way.

Fox News carried the story, too:

A high-ranking Pakistani diplomat reportedly cannot be appointed ambassador to Saudi Arabia because in Arabic his name translates into a phrase more appropriate for a porn star, referring to the size of male genitals, Foreign Policy reported.

The Arabic transaltion of Akbar Zeb to "biggest d**k" has overwhelmed Saudi officials who have refused to allow his post there.

Zeb has run into this problem before when Pakistan tried to appoint him as ambassador to the United Arab Emirates and Bahrain, where he was rejected for the same reason, according to Foreign Policy.

Ah - but then the story turned out not to be true:

I wrote last week about Pakistan's High Commissioner to Canada Akbar Zeb's reported rejection as ambassador to Saudi Arabia due to the unfortunate Arabic translation of his name as "biggest dick." Alas, the story turns out to be false: Mr. Zeb has responded, saying that the press reports are nothing more than "a practical joke someone played on the Internet." Zeb denies that he was ever considered for an ambassadorial position in Saudi Arabia; lending credence to his account, he has only been stationed in Ottawa for nine months of a planned three-year assignment, and Pakistan's ambassador to Saudi Arabia is only four months into his tenure.

Maimoona Amjad, the press counsellor for Pakistan's High Commission in Ottawa, also confirmed to FP that the story was untrue. There is "no question that he will accept a post anywhere but Canada," she said, referring to the rumor as "completely baseless" and "rubbish."

The story seems to have originated with this Arab Times article, and spread like wildfire throughout the English-language press from there. Let this be a lesson: Don't believe everything you read in print. Sometimes, the press gets hold of a story and, before checking all the facts, goes off half-cocked.

________

"half-cocked"?

________

Do you get it?

________

You know, we could pick some obscure language -- or better yet, pick a constructed language (like Esperanto) -- and say that "Barack Obama" means thus-and-such, or "Nancy Pelosi" really means this-and-that, and see how much mileage we get from the story.

________

Klingon! That's it! Klingon!!

Did you know that "Hillary Clinton" means "Corrupt, incompetent she-devil" in Klingon?

________

And, did you know that "Joe Biden" means "Second-fiddle to somebody's puppet" in Glossolalian?

________

Did you know that in Jibberishese, "Barack Hussein" means "Big change bigger problem"?

And, "Obama" means "One big-ass mistake, America"!

No, really!

________

Big change, bigger problem, bi-i-i-ig mistake!

(And, after all, size matters!)